However, there was something so vital James refused to give, something that could and sure drowns every relationship regardless of the love being professed.
Amaka had just raised a topic on the current situation of the country, one thing led to another and each of them gave their opinion including the guests at the table.
Suddenly,James blurted out to Amaka saying “You always want to be right. Try to keep quiet once in a while, it will do you a lot of good” There was a little silence but it was quickly overlooked by those at the table and the discussion continued.
This advice might seem right and harmless, I don’t know how you see it but it can either be re-phrased or said without the presence of a third party.
The interpretation of this statement by Amaka however will be dependent on if Amaka has a healthy self respect.
I am talking about a couple who have been married for some years now.
If you find yourself asking what the big deal is in that statement by James, I make bold to let you know that you either don’t have a healthy respect for yourself or for others.
Well, Amaka’s reaction to this was not verbal. She suddenly withdrew to herself while she cast her mind back to events behind her. In a space of few seconds, she remembered sometime ago while she and James where courting, she had gone to visit him and met a friend in his house. They were discussing and somehow, James raised the issue of her weight before his friend saying… “You, if you don’t do something about this your continuous weight gain, I won’t waste time in dumping you” She ignored it and they laughed it off.
Another scenario that quickly came to her mind was when they went home visiting while making preparations for their traditional wedding, she had suggested that their traditional wedding should be low key while the white wedding should be given more attention. James had blurted out… “Even my younger sister would not talk like you just did" (this was in the presence of all his siblings)
Now, is the picture getting more messy?
The question has answered itself! Amaka saw all these coming and she never addressed it. Even when she did, the discussion took place within her mind!
Having remembered these in brief seconds, she asked to be excused from the table and went to the room to do her usual… She went to cry!
However, Amaka had recently joined a group on facebook which comprised of women that shared talks on self development and esteem. She had found out that this medium of communication was just so wrong. Having known this, it hurts her the more. She has suddenly realized it wasn’t right to be disrespected and not just by anybody, her own husband and just between the two of them but amidst a group of family friends!
The question is….Can things turn around and will James change?
How can she get or demand respect from her husband?
While this particular write up is not intended to counsel Amaka, I will counsel Amaka’s younger sister and James younger brother (those that are yet to be married); bearing in mind the very common saying “prevention is better cure”.
This brings me to the major hold of this article.
Developing and walking in respect in relationship. We must bear in mind that as we profess love to one another in our relationships, respect go alongside with it and the greatest definition of love in the word of God as stated in 1Corinthian 13:5(a) includes that love does not behave rudely. So if we claim to be in love we must respect ourselves and respect others. We must also endeavour to do unto others as we would like it to be done to us.
Respect can simply be explained as treating someone with esteem. Esteem means having a high regard for someone. Other words for respect are: honour, admiration and having a good opinion of someone.
You should respect yourself and others. You cannot separate love from respect so if any one claims to love you but does not respect you, the person is lying! He or she must respect your views, your body and every other thing that will make for your total well being. The worst scenario is to extend your lack of respect to third parties.
KNOW THIS…
YOU DON’T CORRECT SOMEONE IN THE PRESENCE OF OTHERS!
One thing to note from Amaka’s story is the fact that she had seen signs of James lack of respect for her which brings me to giving singles a candid advice that courtship should be a serious time of observation and asking questions, discussing and pointing out areas you’re not comfortable with.
Three things happened to Amaka which I want you to note and align or adjust yourself accordingly.
Amaka did not take time to develop a healthy respect for herself, understanding her worth and carrying herself with dignity.
She did not take time out to address it. She probably didn’t see anything wrong in James or even if she did, she could not address it to his face.
She must have silently thought that he would change with time! Wow! If you care to know, time does not change things, conscious decisions do!
So what’s the conclusion?Either as a male or female, if you’re in any relationship or about to start one, bring your relationship under the light of the following questions if you don’t want to spend time regretting in marriage.
Do you take time out to work on yourself and continually study and learn more all in a bid to have a healthy respect for yourself?
Have you addressed any area in your relationship that you seem not to be comfortable with? (please, don’t wish it away)
In conclusion, courtship is a period where you observe, discuss and ask questions.
DON’T SLEEP!
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