GETTING OVER A BREAK-UP IN RELATIONSHIP.

Hmm…..

A break-up is nothing sweet or interesting especially if you were the one being “dumped” or you both agreed to end the relationship based on factors that are not connected with your character, like breaking up because of your genotype incompatibility.

Worthy of note is the fact that different individuals will be able to get over a break up in different ways and the length of time for healing varies from one individual to another. This is not unconnected with what you do and the truths you tell yourself after the break-up.

It can even be more difficult to tell yourself the truth about the relationship being over if both of you have really contributed to each other’s life on all levels which include  career, spiritual life and the most dreaded of all (having sex)

Pictures are everywhere, the phone he bought for you, the kind of music you both love hearing being played, taking a stroll alone on the same street you used to walk together, smelling his or her perfume, seeing someone that looks just like her, his friends or uncles calling you and asking about what happened, and a host of other things abound that can bring MEMORIES of your time together!

I wouldn’t advise that you destroy pictures or throw away the things given to you by the person but they can be packed together and put in a safe place far away from your immediate reach. When you’re finally healed and you lay your hands on those materials, you’d find yourself smiling! Yes! Smiling. However, putting the picture under your pillow and looking at it every morning or scrolling through your phone to see the pictures is a no no for me. Keep them away including those on the phone being copied somewhere else. Let the memory of the person remain in your head or when you bump into each other. Boom!

The truth is that when a break up happens, you can’t imagine how you will ever cope without the person being in your life again or worst still; you can’t imagine your ex with someone else!

Hmm, in fact, I think the best thing that can happen to some people that have refused to let go is for the person they broke up with to get married though I know worst cases of people that chase their ex, down their marital road and even won’t mind their partners spouse dead!  That is an awful wish and it’s because you have refused to accept the fact that there is still someone better fit for you.

No  doubt a break up especially if not engineered by you can make you feel less than yourself and you might begin to wonder what it is your partner sees in another person he has opted for.

Let me state here at this point that it is quite dangerous for you to engage in double dating because you will surely end up breaking someone’s heart. It is very unfair to be toying with people’s heart and turning them to puzzles. Having two or more people at the same time will make you a confused person because what you find and like in one might not be in another while the other will have his or her unique strengths but won’t have what is in the other person.

Another side to this is seeking the face of God in prayer before starting out a relationship in the first place. God is not a God of trial by error and not a man that he should lie. I’m not in the minds of those who claim to hear God and at the end of the day, the relationship gets broken. So, I’d say it’s between them and God. I can only talk about myself and I did ask God before starting my relationship, while in it and before entering into marriage. (Even after He told me clearly before starting the courtship that His son was the one!

Back to the process of recovery…

I’d implore that you follow me step by step towards your recovery…

1.      TALK TO YOURSELF

Tell yourself the truth about what just happened.

 It’s either one or all of these…

You have some issues your ex. cannot cope with. (Someone else definitely has the grace to cope with it)

He is not Gods will for your life and God wants to preserve you for His will.

He just decides (because we all have a will) that he’d prefer someone else to you.

Tell yourself that there is definitely someone outside there that God is either preparing for you or is waiting for you!

2.      TALK TO GOD

Pray from your heart because God hears you. Tell him to forgive you if you started the relationship without checking with Him in the first place. Let Him know that you’re truly sorry and would want His will to be your will this time. Ask Him to fill you with His Holy Spirit who is the greatest comforter and you’d find yourself getting over it sooner than you ever thought. The Holy Spirit is relevant for every situation and will always be there to fill your heart with a new song whenever memory comes calling and the reality dawns on you that this person is no longer with you and will never be.

Please note at this point that you will be delaying your healing process, blocking whoever God has planned for you and doing yourself great harm and deception by thinking that you can still be friends with your ex (that you’ve really shared intimate times with) It might sound harsh but it’s very true! Close the communication line! It will help you heal faster and close the door to assumptions on if anything might still come up.

3.      LET IT OUT!

Cry if you must because it’s an outlet for emotions. Either you’re a guy or a lady. Crying does not make you less than a man. However, DON’T STAY CRYING!

By the way, I know you could feel more pained and cheated especially if you discover that your spouse is in another relationship and has moved on but please, don’t be deceived, some start new relationships soon after a break up just to spite the other person. Don’t fall into that trap! Don’t ever opt for another relationship soon after a break up.

4.      PICK UP SOMETHING NEW!

Take on a new sport or hobby. It will help you to channel your emotions constructively while still adding to your value and capacity.

5.      FOCUS ON GETTING BETTER

Focus on getting better in your career and field of study. Spend more time studying and learning while not forgetting to have fun.

6.      SHARE

Share with very close and mature friends or family. They could help you see the situation in a better light and encourage you more. Please avoid those that don’t have anything good to offer.

Also, Think about some unique things that can work for you. In my own case (while still a baby Christian) one of the ways I coped with a heartbreak was writing down a poem and then another write-up stating how precious I was, aimed at boosting myself esteem. I scanned my picture and then with the write up, made a frame and placed it on my wall. I kept reading it every day till it became a part of me. ( by the way, I knew I wasn’t meant to be in the relationship because God told me so.) And did this method work? YES IT DID!!!

In conclusion, remember that every relationship is a learning experience, and every learning experience will positively affect your future. (depending on the way you see or take it)You are getting better and stronger.

One thing is sure…You will get healed with time, look back and smile or even laugh at some of your choices and guess what in closing?

YOU WILL FIND LOVE AGAIN!!!

Love you,

Bukola