WHEN LOVE DELAYS IN COMING..

Have you ever felt so lonely that you started to get jealous of your friends relationship?

Have you ever wondered if you were not so beautiful,handsome or intelligent?

Have you ever stared at your phone wishing it would ring and someone at the other end would say... "I love you so much and wish you were by my side"?

Have you silently nursed the fear that you might never get married?

Have you ever felt so unloved and probably wondered you were cursed or something?

Has love delayed in beckoning to you?

If your answer is yes,then this is a must read...
As creatures of Love,created by Love(God)himself, he has wired us up to love and be loved such that if we are not giving or receiving it, we can never be fulfilled.

True love indeed exists but seems to be rare. People can love you for your money,intelligence,talents or physical qualities but very few can love you with no reason.

If you're yet to be involved in a serious and meaningful relationship that would make you blossom as a man or woman,please put first things first.

1. Love yourself

2. Love God and seek him like never before.

After this,God places your love in the heart of another such that you begin to wonder where that person has been all the while.

Be patient. Enjoy your first relationship with God,develop your talents,work with it and hold on,don't be tempted to worry. He'd interrupt you with your spouse when you least expect.

He's so so faithful and would not fail. If he did it for me and others, he'd undoubtedly do it for you.

Keep believing in love and keep me posted when he or she shows up.

Yours in Love...

WHAT KIND OF BUILDING ARE YOU CONSTRUCTING?

How many of us have experienced or heard about a collapsed building? The effects are devastating. Asides the loss of  investments, is the possible loss of lives which is more heartbreaking.

 So many factors can be attributed to the collapse of buildings amongst which are:

~A weak Foundation
~The kind and quality of materials used in building.

What is obtainable in the structure being put up cannot be separated from the parties involved in the building process.

 A very important question to ask at this point will be... WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE WERE INVOLVED IN THE BUILDING???
The point is that THEIR CHOICES resulted in the collapse of the building!

So now, let me bring it close into our relationship experiences.
A lot of people have been entangled in wrong marriages and keep trying to work things out. Some have resulted to enduring hoping that someday a change will come. Well, will a change come? Hmmmmmm

You know the scriptures say that if the foundation is destroyed, what can the righteous do?
Can you answer the question?

I tell SINGLES that they are the most fortunate set of people. Why? Because they are still yet to make a choice for a life partner.
The point is that you must desire to be well informed so that you can decide rightly.

As pillars exist for holding on to the vital edges of a structure, so also there are specific pillars needed for a relationship to stand and survive the storms of life, regardless of how vehement. Remember the wise man that built his house on the rock and the foolish man that built his house on the sand?

SINGLES, when making the choice of  who to marry, remember the wrong pillars which if used will ensure your marriage does not last no matter how much you try, except the parties change or they are changed.

Also, remember the right pillars that will ensure it's sustained no matter the storms and years that roll by.

11 WRONG PILLARS.
 1. Making a choice of a life partner based on the fact that he's handsome and she's beautiful.
 2.  Money
 3.   As a payback for kindness done.
 4. Pressures from various quarters.
 5. Being advanced in age.
 6. Frustration
 7. Payback for your ex.
 8. Wanting to be free from parental and siblings pressure.
 9. Because my mates are getting married.
10. Because it's the next logical thing to do after work.
11. For sexual pleasure.


 5 RIGHT PILLARS

 1. The fear of God.
 2. Same values
 3. Similar Vision
 4. Unconditional love
 5. Desire to serve and help

An attempt to ignore the wrong pillars will no doubt make you a victim. Embracing the right pillars definitely enlists you in the hall of those enjoying their marriage.

The choice to endure or enjoy starts now!

Yours in Love,

LOVE IS RESPECT

James and Amaka had a group of family friends visiting and they all reminisce on old times as they sat at the table sharing foods, drinks and jokes.

However, there was something so vital James refused to give, something that could and sure drowns every relationship regardless of the love being professed.

Amaka had just raised a topic on the current situation of the country, one thing led to another and each of them gave their opinion including the guests at the table.

Suddenly,James blurted out to Amaka saying “You always want to be right. Try to keep quiet once in a while, it will do you a lot of good” There was a little silence but it was quickly overlooked by those at the table and the discussion continued.

This advice might seem right and harmless, I don’t know how you see it but it can either be re-phrased or said without the presence of a third party.

The interpretation of this statement by Amaka however will be dependent on if Amaka has a healthy self respect.

I am talking about a couple who have been married for some years now.

If you find yourself asking what the big deal is in that statement by James, I make bold to let you know that you either don’t have a healthy respect for yourself or for others.

Well, Amaka’s reaction to this was not verbal. She suddenly withdrew to herself while she cast her mind back to events behind her. In a space of few seconds, she remembered sometime ago while she and James where courting, she had gone to visit him and met a friend in his house. They were discussing and somehow, James raised the issue of her weight before his friend saying… “You, if you don’t do something about this your continuous weight gain, I won’t waste time in dumping you” She ignored it and they laughed it off.

Another scenario that quickly came to her mind was when they went home visiting while making preparations for their traditional wedding, she had suggested that their traditional wedding should be low key while the white wedding should be given more attention. James had blurted out… “Even my younger sister would not talk like you just did" (this was in the presence of all his siblings)

Now, is the picture getting more messy?

The question has answered itself! Amaka saw all these coming and she never addressed it. Even when she did, the discussion took place within her mind!

Having remembered these in brief seconds, she asked to be excused from the table and went to the room to do her usual… She went to cry!

However, Amaka had recently joined a group on facebook which comprised of women that shared talks on self development and esteem. She had found out that this medium of communication was just so wrong. Having known this, it hurts her the more. She has suddenly realized it wasn’t right to be disrespected and not just by anybody, her own husband and just between the two of them but amidst a group of family friends!

The question is….Can things turn around and will James change?

How can she get or demand respect from her husband?

While this particular write up is not intended to counsel Amaka, I will counsel Amaka’s younger sister and James younger brother (those that are yet to be married); bearing in mind the very common saying “prevention is better cure”.

This brings me to the major hold of this article.
Developing and walking in respect in relationship. We must bear in mind that as we profess love to one another in our relationships, respect go alongside with it and the greatest definition of love in the word of God as stated in 1Corinthian 13:5(a) includes that love does not behave rudely. So if we claim to be in love we must respect ourselves and respect others. We must also endeavour to do unto others as we would like it to be done to us.

Respect can simply be explained as treating someone with esteem. Esteem means having a high regard for someone. Other words for respect are: honour, admiration and having a good opinion of someone.

You should respect yourself and others. You cannot separate love from respect so if any one claims to love you but does not respect you, the person is lying! He or she must respect your views, your body and every other thing that will make for your total well being. The worst scenario is to extend your lack of respect to third parties.

KNOW THIS…

YOU DON’T CORRECT SOMEONE IN THE PRESENCE OF OTHERS!

One thing to note from Amaka’s story is the fact that she had seen signs of James lack of respect for her which brings me to giving singles a candid advice that courtship should be a serious time of observation and asking questions, discussing and pointing out areas you’re not comfortable with.

Three things happened to Amaka which I want you to note and align or adjust yourself accordingly.

Amaka did not take time to develop a healthy respect for herself, understanding her worth and carrying herself with dignity.

She did not take time out to address it. She probably didn’t see anything wrong in James or even if she did, she could not address it to his face.

She must have silently thought that he would change with time! Wow! If you care to know, time does not change things, conscious decisions do!

So what’s the conclusion?Either as a male or female, if you’re in any relationship or about to start one, bring your relationship under the light of the following questions if you don’t want to spend time regretting in marriage.

Do you take time out to work on yourself and continually study and learn more all in a bid to have a healthy respect for yourself?

Have you addressed any area in your relationship that you seem not to be comfortable with? (please, don’t wish it away)

In conclusion, courtship is a period where you observe, discuss and ask questions.

DON’T SLEEP!

HOW TO COMMUNICATE HARD TRUTHS EFFECTIVELY.

It’s possible to tell the most difficult truths to the people you care about, such that they don't end up getting bitter and also they being able to get the message you really intend to pass across.

If you can follow the tip below, you will end up not banging the door on your relationships if they really need to close. Rather, it will help you in closing the door gently with your hand on the door knob!

A continued effort to study this article and apply the guidelines will help you to fulfil the purpose of letting the other party know the truth without necessarily hurting them and causing trouble. No doubt, they might eventually get hurt if possibly you ask to end the relationship but your GOAL won't be to hurt them or cause them emotional pain.

The truth is that some of us, while passing across our feelings to the other party, we end up using words with the intention of causing them pain alongside our message. Afterall, you could figure out that if  they caused you to be hurt, then they also deserve to be hurt. However, that is not meant to be so.

One very important guideline I came across  while reading an article is...

When You Speak The Unarguable, People Don’t Argue

If I say to you, “My stomach feels hurt,” you’d have a difficult time arguing with me. If I say to you, “You make me sick to my stomach,” you’d probably find plenty to argue with me about in that sentence. The difference is INTENTION.

If I say, “My stomach feels hurt,” my intention is to reveal my inner experience.

 If I say, “You make me sick to my stomach,” my intention is to blame you for my experience.

 In speaking difficult truths so that people are not bitter with you, the tip is to reveal your inner experience and stay out of blame.

Breakthroughs in relationship communication are always brought about by saying unarguable things and never by blaming.

It’s possible to communicate the most difficult truths in this new way, so that people are literally filled with gratitude afterwards and possibly a resolve to change for the better.

Take a look into this example...

Let’s say you want to break up with your partner. Your main complaints are that he never helps to pay any bill, he has a perfect record of forgetting your birthday and he is unwilling to make a long-term commitment to the relationship...

APPROACH  A: You say to him: I’m leaving you because you’re stingy, disrespectful and commitment-phobic.

Would he be likely to thank you for sharing this “truth” with him? Probably not. He’d probably argue with all three of your labels for him. You’ve provided him with a perfect way to avoid learning anything from your communication, because you’ve communicated it in arguable terms.


APPROACH B : You say to him: For a long time I’ve been feeling sad and disappointed. I can feel it right now in my chest, and I can hear it in my voice. I don’t think I’m getting what I want in our relationship. I feel angry a lot at you, and although I feel scared about being by myself, I think I’d rather face that fear than continue to feel what I’ve been experiencing the past year.

There’s no guarantee he’ll thank you for speaking those truths, but there's a solid guarantee that he won’t argue with you.

Hundreds of people that have been coached to speak like that in sessions, have confirmed that it stops arguments cold.

However, there have also been many situations in which people felt upset at hearing unarguable truths. However, they registered the impact of the communication and learned from it. Later, when they’ve digested it thoroughly, they often thank and appreciate the speaker for being courageous enough to speak the truth in a way that didn’t produce arguments.

So over to you HOR reader, try to imbibe the above tip and you're on way to be a healthy communicator. It will also help in your everyday communication with not only the person you're dating but also your platonic friends, close friends, parents, siblings, co~workers, e.t.c.

Remember to share if this article blessed you.

Yours in Love,
Bukola Adeolu- Dele

Ref: Gaiam.com

RELATIONSHIP AND PRAYER

If there's anything the devil has robbed this generation of... It is to downplay on the importance of prayer and make us rely absolutely on our feelings and reasoning.

In as much as it's important to employ common sense in our approaches,it's very much important to engage in prayer in other to bring to birth and establish God's purposes for our lives.

How unfortunate is that one, who is neither praying nor has someone praying on his behalf!
How ignorant people can be when they think that I'm "lucky" to marry a great man. I wish they could also pull apart the curtains and see those times I submitted my feelings and my heart to the service and will of my God in prayer, regardless of what was obtainable on the outside!

One of such areas we need to embrace the weapon of prayer if we have not been doing so, is in OUR RELATIONSHIPS! Please, let's not continue to make the world feel like our God is a wicked Father, who does not care about the happiness, fulfilment and security of His children.

Many have gotten entangled in relationships that left them hurt,bitter,depressed and even dead! Why? Because they never committed it into God's hands. It is VERY IMPORTANT for you to pray if you must make a success of your relationship and destiny as a whole.

 I get disturbed when I counsel people on relationship and I ask them if they prayed before the commencement of their relationship and they say NO! Wow!!!
A guy will ask a lady out without praying about it and a lady will equally say yes, without ACTUALLY praying about it.
Read it from me... That's suicidal!

You must have heard a lot of people say that who you marry has a long way to go in determining what becomes of your eventual destiny. Well, they are not wrong! We are all products of one relationship or the other because no man is an island.

I must re-emphasize here that I never tell or teach people what I did not work with, myself. The Lord said to me many years ago..."Your spiritual life was created for others. Whatever you want to tell people about me, I want to see you living it"

I'm not telling you to abstain from premarital sex because I did it and found out that it was wrong. Rather, I kept myself and found out it was the best thing I could ever have deprived myself of, in other to enjoy the fruits I'm enjoying now.

I won't tell you about the power of praying In your relationship if I didn't pray BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER!

BEFORE: Before you start a relationship, PRAY!

DURING: During a relationship, PRAY!!

AFTER: In marriage, PRAY!!!

Prayer is a lifelong process and it simply means to communicate with your heavenly Father.
It is only a dead man that does not communicate!

As a lady, when I discovered I started having feelings for him, I did not jump out to propose as some ladies do these days and give you a million and one reasons why its OK to do so.
Rather, I fell down on my knees to pray, yielding the weight of my feelings to my first husband... God!
I then made myself friendly, presentable and approachable without compromising my integrity. Get that?

Well, hear what the Lord said to me, right there on my knees!  "Adeolu is yours. Be patient. He will come"
God knows his son by name as well as you, reading this. He is not blind or in the dark as regards who he desires for you in marriage. After all, He created you, so think deeply about that!

When the time came  and a relationship commenced as said by God himself, I prayed again! In fact, we both went out to pray in that month of July and we DELIBERATELY committed our relationship into the hands of God; asking Him to keep us rooted in his will all through. So, we kicked off the relationship strongly FOUNDED IN AND ON HIM!

2 weeks to my wedding and 3 years into my courtship, I  was still praying fervently for a confirmation like I just met him! Why? I've always known that the choice of a marriage partner is not pizza and ice-cream!

Now, tell me if I won't get it right and if I won't be saved from the troubles and chaos getting married to the wrong person can cause.

Truth be told...
MARRIAGE IS NOT THE PROBLEM. ITS THE BEST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO THAT PERSON WHO PRAYED, COMMITTED IT INTO GOD'S HANDS AND ALLOWED GOD TO DIRECT EVERY STEP.

We always tend to leave God out because we want to satisfy our flesh and relegate the spirit to the background forgetting that in the spirit is our security, peace and fulfilment.

However, marriage can be hell for that man/woman who relies on his/her feelings and reasonings alone. Always remember the words in 1Samuel16:17.... "But the Lord said to Samuel, do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For man looks at the outward appearance , but the Lord looks at the heart."

God sees the heart. Prayer reveals that heart!

I hate to use this as an example but the person asked me to do so, using the example for other singles out there. I won't go into the details but I saw clearly that this person in question should be patient and not go ahead with the marriage. The person did not listen to me! About 3 months after, the person is telling me he/ she wished he/ she had listened to me!

I tell people, it doesn't take 2 months to know if you married the right person or not after marriage , no matter how many years you spent in courtship!

WHY SHOULD YOU PRAY?

*Praying will keep you in the will of God.

*Praying will make you focused on the most important things in a relationship. Not your feelings, but the positive growth of both parties.

*Praying will save you from mistakes and hurts that can hinder your growth and eventual success in life.

*Praying will empower you with the grace and wisdom to avoid sexual sins.

* Prayer will guarantee you speed.

My question to you now is this...
At what stage are you in your relationship today (if you're in one)?
Did you pray before starting out?
Are you praying?

Whatever your answer is, it is time for you to fall down on your knees and PRAY!
It's going to be either of these 2...

Quit the relationship or Continue!

Don't be afraid to seek the truth ad pursue it. Rather, be afraid to avoid the truth and then end up in a pit. Also, don't forsake the counsel of older and spiritually mature people. Others might help you see in case you're "blinded" by love or marriage will make you see!

ONE THING we must also take note of is the fact that you'll forever need prayer even if God commanded the relationship. That is what some people don't realise. In fact, a marriage that  is God's will has great potentials of experiencing oppositions. That is why you should be sure that God is in agreement   with your relationship so you can stand up and fight for it if challenges arise!

Challenges against a relationship does not necessarily mean that you should quit ad chicken out.
Before my marriage, the Lord told me clearly to prepare for war! Weeks before the wedding, I saw the war! However, He reminded me that he had told me earlier, so I was energized to pray, being convinced that I was fighting a right war.
There's a right and a wrong war folks!

So you see... Your relationship with God and communion in PRAYER is a strong pillar needed for a fulfilling, purposeful and lasting relationship.

Till HOR comes your way next week Friday, keep believing in love, keep believing in God!

IT'S BEEN A WHILE...

It's been a while I posted on this blog like I'd have wanted to based on medium of posting and setting. However, I want to assure all my followers and readers that this blog will become one of the foremost you've ever come across on relationships.

Something is cooking seriously and I hope to serve you hot meals shortly.

WATCH THIS SPACE as I start off with posts every Friday and soon, it will become very often.

So,make it a date with me next week friday as I serve you something enlightening and inspiring on relationships.

LOVE OASIS DIGITAL MAGAZINE ON RELATIONSHIPS NEW RELEASE

For its July issue, digital Lifestyle magazine, LoveOasis magazine has Gbenga Adeyinka on its cover. In the interview, he talks about his Career, Marriage and Inspiration. In addition to the personality interview, they have two newly wedded cover couples sharing their stories and their beautiful wedding pictures.

Some of the featured articles that cut across lifestyle, Marriage, Relationships and Weddings are: A leap of Faith, 8 Realities of marriage, Memoirs of a pregnant woman, Getting over it and many more inspiring and entertaining articles. The magazine is accessible (It’s FREE) on any Smartphone device, mobile Tablets and PCs on www.theloveoasis.com Issue 9

About LoveOasis magazine:

LoveOasis magazine is a digital lifestyle magazine, with contents that cut across lifestyle, marriage, relationships and weddings. Each monthly issue features a married personality and each sub-edition of the issue features a newly wedded couple on the cover.

 

LoveOasis Magazine

www.theloveoasis.com
......... Celebrating eternal love